| How May I Help You? |
[24 Jul 2002|12:47am] |
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Faker says: I was looking for a job |
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I'm sorry I haven't updated in a few days, but I did manage to get a job.
I now work full-time in retail for $7/triangle. I'm a sales associate. My nametag, the one that will say, "He-Man, Sales Associate", has not arrived yet, so I have to wear a plain plastic one.
So far I have not been allowed to talk to any customers because I'm in training! I'm He-Man - they hire He-Man, they get He-Man. Screw this training crap.
Oh yeah, I got a 25% store discount.
Stop me before I die of job satisfaction.
Anyway, here's a picture of me at work from my first day. That is a Mer-Man T-shirt if you were wondering. I'm not allowed to wear it to work anymore.
Maybe they would like the Skeletor one better.
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| Too Sexy for Two-Bad!!! |
[13 Jul 2002|01:23am] |
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Faker says: Woo hoo |
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I sure have been busy with my job search these last few days. I'm hoping to hear some good news in the coming week.
In the meantime, I've been working on a new He-Contest, and I need some suggestions.
The contest is called: "Too Sexy for Two-Bad!!!" and the prize is a vintage MOTU Two-Bad action figure. I've gotten that far and now I'm stumped! What should the contest be?
The point of it is to spread the news of the ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) heman LiveJournal, but how it will accomplish this is anyone's guess.
I thought maybe people should get themselves a celebrity to read the journal, or maybe show themselves teaching others of it's wacky goodness.
First one to respond gets to see me powerpunch Skeletor!
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| Barcrawl |
[08 Jul 2002|11:46pm] |
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Faker says: Whisky, you're the devil |
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Hurray! I've finished and uploaded the second He-Quiz. For some reasons the pictures are coming out a bit blurry, but what the hell, at least it's up.
Sorry I didn't update yesterday. By way of an apology, let me tell you a story called "He-Man the Bartender."
Once upon a time He-Man was sitting on his stoop and said to himself, "You know what? I'd make a mighty fly bartender or bouncer! After all, who wouldn't hire the most powerful man in the universe to poor drinks and eighty-six deadbeats?"
So up gets He-Man and he ambles merrily and soberly down the street.
The first bar he comes to is an Irish theme pub/restaurant. Out of the smoldering August-in-July heat and right into the ultra-freeze a/c steps He-Man.
"May I help you, sir?" inquires a young lady in a white starched shirt.
"No, but I can help you! This is an Irish pub, right?"
"Yes..."
"Well, it so happens my mom was Earth Irish so I must be half-Earth Irish myself. "
"Really, well..."
"I happen to know a great many Irish songs, such as those popularized by Tommy Makem and the Clancy Brothers. If you'd like I can break into either Pat from Mullingar or the Jug of Punch right now."
"That really won't be necessary," says the girl, a wee bit frightened now. Maybe I've come across too Irish, thought He-Man.
"I could sing Sound the Pibroch?"
Well, after He-Man learned there were no jobs in the offing here, he decided to kick the dust from his furry boots and shake a leg down the street. In deference to the heat, though, he decided he'd first slake his thirst a bit with a beer or two.
The next bar was owned by communists, which shows just how far the comrades have come down in the world.
"Any jobs for an honest worker?" asked He-Man jovially. "Check my party number, you'll see it's low," he whispered as an afterthought.
"No, I'm sorry. We aren't very busy this time of year. Try back at maybe the end of August."
Another "Nyet" and another beer before setting off to the next drinkery.
Swinging his waggly tail into the bar, He-Man finished singing What Can You Do With a Drunken Sailor and betook himself a seat.
"Barkeep!" he drawled. "I come to you a supplicant! Initiate me, I beg of you, into the sacred mysteries of Bacchus."
"What the hell, man? This is a bar!"
"Exactly, my publican and most trusted friend. I fear the spirits have added to my loquaciousness. I want a job, you two-bit pencil pusher!!!" roared the inebriated He.
"Get out of here before I call the cops, you drunk!"
But He-Man would not heed him, and when the police came, they found that great man asleep, curled up with a bottle of snake venom.
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| On the 45 |
[06 Jul 2002|10:45pm] |
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Faker says: Party party party party |
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Still no sign of a job. I dropped off an application at the Virgin Megastore today.
Position desired: In-Store DJ
I figured I could finally put my Super DJ He-Maniac Z skillz to work. They aren't good for much else.
"Hi! He-Man here. Welcome to the Virgin Megastore. That was Chris DeBurgh's 'Lady in Red' you just heard. I hope you enjoyed its mellow tunefulness. Now let's kick it with the Youth!"
[Cue "Pass the Dutchie"]
"Remember, ladies and gentlemen, the Virgin Megastore closes at 11. Please have a complimentary beverage on us. Virgin, where if you handle the merchandise too much, we'll have to open a store called Sluts."
In related news, that Andrew WK guy seems like he'd be friendly enough.
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| Dog Days |
[05 Jul 2002|11:39pm] |
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Faker says: So messed up |
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So today I thought I could sleep late and lay off on the job applications for a bit, but I was wrong.
Since it was so hot last night I had left the windows open for a breeze, and instead of cold air waftin' through my venetian blinds, I got screaming baby!
That's right, some "I'm too good for birth control" lamer's spawn was whining its head off right outside my window.
The window looks out onto a 5x5 patch of grass that people walk their miniature dogs on. I guess the kid was playin' there and decided that what it really needed was a big old Mer-Man crying jag.
Luckily for me, though, this was not the end of the morning's cacophony.
All of a sudden a dog starts barking at the same window. I suppose it got into an argument with the kid because the dog barks a couple of "shut up, bitch" yelps, and the kid screams some more, and the dog responds with some real determined growls and snarls.
Finally the kid is wailing and the dog is going crazy and then...it all goes quiet. Completely, beautifully silent.
"Good dog," I whispered, laying my head back on the pillow.
"I hope you ate the little bastard."
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| Hi! Faker here. |
[04 Jul 2002|02:49pm] |
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Faker says: It's Hard to Explain |
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Well, I almost made it through an entire week without doing a LiveJournal entry.
I guess ending the heman journal for the summer was wishful thinking on my part.
Hi! I'm He-Man, the most powerful man in the universe. This is my secret journal, so you shouldn't be seeing this.
If you are here expecting to read about my exciting adventures against the forces of darkness I'm afraid you'll be disappointed. You'll have to wait for LiveJournal He-Man: Season 2 for that.
If you're wondering where I am, I've moved out of Eternia and into a new city far away. I have a nice little apartment that I occupy lonelily and a bus pass I keep in a special pouch on my new courier bag (more about that some other day).
It is very hot here. It's probably hot back in Eternia City too, but it is hot enough to fry a Pippi Bird egg in this apartment. I don't have air-conditioning but I do have a fan.
Unfortunately, I had accidentally borrowed one of Stinkor's shirts before I left and I forgot to give it back to him and now all my clothes smell like barbecue Stinkor...and sweat.
Since ending my LiveJournal and moving into my new place I have been actively searching for some sort of job, and it sucks, lemme tell 'ya!
Everyone wants job applications and resumes and credit checks and all sorts of crazy crap. What ever happened to the days when you could walk into a store and say, "Hi! He-Man here," and not only would they give you a job, but they'd toss you a complimentary Pepsi?
Yeah, well, at least my job search has given me an idea for a few stories: "He-Man Gets a Job", "He-Man Gets Fired", "He-Man Nearly Gets a Job, but it Doesn't Work Out", and "He-Man becomes an Environmental Activist."
The script to Season 2 is coming along nicely. I really wish I could make an actual cartoon trailer for it, but I can only draw stick figures with any sort of authenticity.
Next week the new 'What Secondary He-Man Character Are You?" should come out, and Monday I think I'll start airing reruns of the old episodes.
Now it's time to drop off more job applications.
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